Dull

Last year when I was in Indonesia for my sabbatical leave, I made suggestions in academic conferences and workshops that Indonesian academics focus on practical applications of their science and knowledge. Bringing clean water to poor people at very cheap cost. Creating microhydro electrical generation unit, or solar thermal, or anything else that can provide cheap electricity. I should have said to make my message clearer: "Forget our academic pretensions that we do research that matters since we don't; and let's not (fucking) kid ourselves." But I didn't. I was too polite, sadly.

We become inactive although we live in a society that rapidly changes. This can happen to me now as well. My brain can become dull if I do not remind myself constantly that time will pass me silently if I remain as usual. I moved to Indonesia to shake my life a bit. To start a mission: to practice what I have been teaching in an engineering school, to learn the ropes of business, to start a business with friends I trust, to create real positive impacts to people I lead.

Once in a while, I forget my life mission. I am lulled by routines. By the easy convenience of modern life. Caught up with mortgage, loans, cars, family, brothers, sisters, and high school reunions. Fuck - I said to myself - let's not fucking forget why I am here for. (I often swear. My sons know me well; God bless them!)

It is thus funny that I got married young. I am barely older than 40 years old, but my older son is going to university next year. I am still saddled with heavy financial burden of raising growing kids, but I feel better now since by the time I am 50 I should be free to pursue whatever I wanna do in life. I didn't plan it, nor was I aware about it when I got married, but it works out so far.

Having said that, family remains a constant source of stress. Time commitment I have to make and money we have to pay to raise kids. It is a long term investment I make, such as life itself. It is a precious thing and on practical level serves as a fallback position if my personal life mission fails along the way.

Too much focus on family, however, can sideline me from pursuing my life's dream. People who love their families too much don't have activities outside their families' routines.

Besides family, a regular job can dull my mission. When job becomes routine, it is time to move on. It's been 3 months in Indonesia and so far my job is more interesting than being a university professor. I get to interact with all kinds of people - from pipe fitters to managers to expat skilled workers. I get to deal with different types of business in oil and gas industry.

What satisfies me is not material goods. I honestly couldn't care less about them. That's why we moved to Indonesia since I did not feel any satisfaction from owning faster cars and bigger houses. It is the freedom and life's challenges that I want.